After years of consideration and looming decent over the nature of illicit substances and struggling to understand the need to "party" or "get high", I have come to a stark conclusion. Why not legalize party drugs?
It did not take long after starting actual police work to realize my love for all things illicit. I recall attending a drugs and crime class during my academy days and holding for the first time illegal drugs of all types and varieties. Instructors burned a substance that mimicked the odor of marijuana and we were allowed to fondle, but not ingest, each substance to our hearts content. I was fascinated with each category and vowed to learn all I could, short of experimentation. I believe this fascination surfaced from ignorance due to complete abstinence of all drugs, including alcohol and tobacco, as a kid. To this day I can proudly boast that I have never consumed an illegal substance or misused or abused a legal substance. Guess the jury is out. I'm lame.
Despite a fascination for natural and manmade party drugs I never had a desire to use. I was protected as an adolescent from the effects of said substances and had no basis of comparison for struggles related to use. Within months of beginning patrol work I searched for opportunities to learn about commonly used street drugs and their effects. I dealt, on a day to day basis, with the outcomes of misuse and addiction. I quickly found a large majority of property crimes and most of domestic issues were related to drugs and alcohol. I quickly learned that people often act very differently, often criminally, when blitzed, buzzed, spun, drunk, stoned, or simply high.
For example, Dry Canyon is a popular place because the landscape is quite beautiful and the terrain provides sport for man and beast alike. The park is easily accessible by vehicle, bike, and horse. It also happens to be within the city limits of where I patrol. One fine fall evening, when the air was still warm, I drove to the top parking lot of the canyon looking for curfew violations. The park is commonly frequented by youngsters looking for a romantic place to “relate” or to consume mind altering substances. Many times all will occur simultaneously. As I rounded the bend into the parking lot I noticed a small blue passenger car with exhaust emanating from the rear. I saw the rear brake lights illuminate and the car began to shake and shimmy. It appears the couple inside were aware of my presence. I gave the couple ample time to clothe to avoid the burning of specific activities into my memory. As I approached the car I found an attractive young woman sitting in the front driver’s seat wearing only a halter type top. The top was clearly haphazardly donned as her chest was still mostly exposed. I also saw she sat somewhat shyly as she tried to conceal her utter lack of dress from the waist down. Her male companion, older, sat fully clothed next to her looking infinitely more white trash than she. The vehicle was running with soft music playing in the background. I immediately noticed the young lady was drunk as was her male companion. A subsequent test proved my suspicions. Both agreed they were friends, they had been talking about bad relationships, and that after sharing a bottle one thing led to another and there they were. After allowing her privacy to finish dressing I discuss with her that nature of "actual physical control" of a motor vehicle and how she was in violation of Utah's DUI laws. I decided since her obvious intent was to not drive the vehicle she would be charge with Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor. I was being generous. Her male companion was charged with Providing Alcohol to a Minor.
Days later I was chewing the preverbal fat with Officers from a neighboring city when to my surprise the young lady, fully dressed this time, walked into the convenience store. She was wearing large dark glasses and looked angry to be awake. Because of past conversations with her I knew she liked to party and probably partook of vast quantities of alcohol the night before. That and her sunglasses shouted hang over. As she entered her vehicle and left the parking lot, I naturally followed. She drove as bad as she looked. After a short investigation she was subsequently arrested for a Not a Drop DUI Violation. During both investigations I suggested she had a problem. More specifically I suggested she was addicted to alcohol. Her response was naively simple. "I can't be an alcoholic because I have a child". Hmmm, I thought. She’s right. I quickly realized the error of my ways. I addition I know knew society has been wasting time and money on child protective services. We should have trusted that parents using drugs and alcohol were not addicts because they were parents. We're so stupid.
By way of comparison, I recall an event where I was assisting officers with a large house party. We found at least 500 kids in a 4000 square foot home. As we stood outside a brave young man brought attention to himself by loudly screaming "f*%k" the police. He flamboyantly flipped us the double bird then jumped down a window well with a satisfied wry smile on his face. His satisfaction soon turned to horror. It seems he was originally in the basement of the home and that his alcohol soaked brain devised how fun it would be to antagonize the cops. Beside what could we do? After exerting his opinion he found his friends cut off his escape by closing the window from whence he originally came. It seems his friends tired of his belligerence and were glad to be rid of him. One can only imagine. As you guessed all us “f”ing cops had nothing better to do so we rushed the stunned drunk. He fought briefly but lost. How does the song go, I fought the law and the law won. The rub surfaced when all his friends exited the home laughing at his plight. Let me summarize my point.
I often marvel how utterly incapable a person becomes when intoxicated. I think it was Homer who pronounced "Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems". Drugs cause a lot of problems but the problems often become easier to prosecute because of impaired thinking. Darwin theorized that natural selection strengthens the species. Survival of the fittest. Often after years of abuse a person often stops thinking altogether and simply acts. Maybe allowing people to party as much as they want will thin the herd. So, by all means, smoke or drink yourself stupid. It makes my job easier.
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